Darkwing Awesome Time

a deleted rant

2009-01-31T19:04:00.000-08:00

deleted this

link

2009-01-31T18:54:00.000-08:00

Syringe

2009-01-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

Sooo this is some shitty stream of consciousness experiment type thing I did. I am not a suicidal druggie, mmk?

Bit of scene-sitting is required: When this popped into my head, it came with a vision of some dude about to take some pill out of some girls mouth, skins-stylee. That little bit of context is kind of required.

Syringe

Stop.

Think about why you're doing this.

Or maybe you're sick of waiting for a reason? Tired of waiting on some big tragedy to come along and give you an excuse to do this, something that will make it a little more forgiveable.

Then again, maybe you need an escape. You need some silence from the confusion, from the screaming voices all vying for your undivided attention.

But then, maybe you just want to go to a peaceful place full of joy, a place full of light.

A place that deep down you know you might never come back from.

Daily Blogging! Part Eight : Why I Hate Valentines Day

2009-01-26T10:41:00.000-08:00

Because I'm always alone.

Am Cry.

Daily Blogging! Part Seven : Review - The Cut On My Finger

2009-01-25T00:36:00.000-08:00

Well, this is an odd cut. I could barely remember how I got it until I remember that I put a glass on the table last night and it decided to shatter in my hand. The woman who was serving our table was very nice, rushing to get me cleaned up and to stick a plaster on me. She wasn't very attractive though. She was average, 5/10, but the cut on my finger is epic.

It looks like a massive chunk has been removed and a small flap of skin has covered up the vile gash. I don't think that's actually the case though, as the "flap" is quite thick and actually appears to be raised from the finger. I hope there's not a piece of glass stuck underneath there.

In terms of pain, the cut is a bit of a letdown. Last night I was fairly sure I'd be in agony this morning, and while that's true of my head, I can't even feel the cut. It's like it's not even there, to be honest. Very disappointing.

It healed amazingly fast. It looks like a week old wound rather than a... 9 hour old wound. I somehow lost the plaster, otherwise I'd see if it had bled much, but if it did then it's stopped now.

It's gonna leave a nice scar :D

Overall, the cut is visually pretty good, but it's not painful or anything which is pretty lame. The scar it's going to leave is going to be epic though.

6/10

Things I learned last night:
I'm not gay, apparently. One day I'll make up my mind.
I must look good in a suit.
People worry about me, bizarrely. Only the people at work though. I wish other people worried about me too.

Daily Blogging! Part Six : Why I Love And Hate Skins

2009-01-24T05:01:00.000-08:00

Love:

It's funny. That whole scene in the gym in the most recent episode was one of the funniest things I've seen in recent times.

It deals with the real shit. It covers everything from racism, drug addiction, teen pregnancy, homophobia, death (it does this the best; see Sid's dad and Chris :(), and all the other shit people deal with.

The characters.
There's the old crew: The weird and eccentric Cassie. Chris who is the typical learn-to-love-him character who starts out a bit shit but eventually becomes one of the most likeable characters. Jal... Ok, Jal's pretty boring, but she still manages to be quite likeable. Maxxie, the loveable gay boy. Anwar, I think we all had a friend like Anwar. Michelle; to be honest I just like her clothes, they're all colourful and shit. Sid, who all of us geeky virgins could relate to. And then there's Tony who is just... well, Tony.

The new batch seem promising: Effy is already a legend with her odd ways, ability to read people, and being a manipulative bitch. Her best friend Pandora is like a more naive version of Cassie, but on less weed and on more ecstacy. Cook, who looks set to be this generation's Chris. Freddie who is just insta-cool as soon as he shows up, skating through traffic. JJ reminds me a bit too much of Sid, but a bit more retarded. Again, he's by far the easiest to relate to. Naomi is intriguing, is she a lesbian? And what really went down between her and the twins? Katie and Emily would probably suck individually, but there's an interesting dynamic between the two of them. And their pervy brother who watches them shower is made of win. Mackenzie Crook's got a role coming up soon too, and Ardal O'Hanlon is made of awesomeness.

The music's awesome. I had both the theme tune and Standing In The Way Of Control as my message alert and ringtone for about a year. Considering they've had both Crystal Castles and MGMT in the show, it's probably got one of the best soundtracks on TV. Was glad to hear some Klaxons this week, too.

Hate:

Ok, there's really only one part I hate, and that is that I am intensely jealous. I want to be sat outside some dodgy burger van selling lager smoking a spliff. I want to get dragged into a game of doing everything on the school's DO NOT DO THIS list. I wanted to be there when Cook dropped his trousers to show off his tattoo. I'd even settle for the sad moments, as at least there's something happening to feel something about. That may just be me though.

Looking forward to watching the rest of the new series, anyway.

Daily Blogging! Part Five : Sony Does It Again

2009-01-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

Sony executives are idiots. Here's a couple of recent quote from Kaz Hirai:

This is not meant in terms of numbers, or who's got the biggest install base, or who's selling most in any particular week or month, but I'd like to think that we continue official leadership in this industry.

Such an idiot. This does NOT MAKE SENSE. Unless you are retarded, which he clearly is.

We don't provide the 'easy to program for' console that [developers] want, because 'easy to program for' means that anybody will be able to take advantage of pretty much what the hardware can do, so then the question is what do you do for the rest of the nine-and-a-half years?

Holy shit. What a spacker.

Daily Blogging! Part Four : Seven Pounds Review

2009-01-22T04:58:00.000-08:00

Wil Smith is fast becoming one of my favourite actors. I'm usually against the whole "Favourite actor" thing, but I'll make an exception for Big Willy.

The movie starts out really well, very "WTF is going on here?" particularly in the opening scene involving a phone call between Will Smith and Woody Harrelson, but quickly becomes... not boring, that would be the wrong word, but it's not paced very well. It seems to be moving very slowly and has lots of scenes that just seem completely irrelevant, and often are.

The story, while pretty good and very emotional, is also incredibly predictable. Within half an hour I'd clocked on to what was going on, which dampened the emotional impact of the closing ten minutes quite a lot which is a real shame.

One recommendation: Don't read anything about this movie. I read a synopsis which turned out to be a minor spoiler, which probably added to the predictability.

A fairly good movie, though.

7/10

Daily Blogging! Part Three : My New (Sex) Toy (Live Blogging)

2009-01-21T04:51:00.000-08:00

12:52
Aw hell yeah, it's arrived.

I happen to be a bit of a Kingdom Hearts obsessive, and a huge fan of Mickey Mouse, so this was an obvious purchase. Yes, it is the Kingdom Hearts Play Arts Action Figure of King Mickey. Awesome!

It's a lot bigger than I expected, and there appears to be two things in the box that I don't quite recognise. They're either extra ears or hands. I'm not sure. Guess there's only one way to find out...

13:02

Check it out! This is one nicely put together action figure, I have to say. And yes, the spare bits wee extra hands, though they appear to be fists, oddly. The whole things really nicely done, with all the extra little detals added like all the little bits on the jacket. Even the keychain on his keyblade can actually be unclipped!

10/10

Daily Blogging! Part Two : Drabble - The Tramp

2009-01-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

Decided to do a little experimentation today. Here is the definition of a drabble if you're unfamiliar with the term.

The Tramp

The tramp laid alone, naked and cold on a friday afternoon. The shopping bag she used as a hat was little protection from the rain, and nobody walking by offered her shelter or clothes.

They simply ignored her.

A few short years back, they'd never have turned from her. She'd been somebody; a real fucking star. Funny how quick people are to forget you when your body's been ravaged by meth, coke, and alcohol. Now her only friend was a tabby cat that licked her pale, lifeless cheek daily.

The tramp laid alone, naked and cold on a friday afternoon.

This week's experiment - Daily Blogging! Part 1 : Fated to Pretend

2009-01-19T09:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, so I have decided that this week shall be the week to perform the experiment of Daily Blogging. Today shall be a diary of sorts.

Strangers In My Head

So today at work I got thinking about lots of random shit. I do this a lot. Apparently most people aren't thinking all the time, and I find this bizarre as I can't really imagine or remember a time when there wasn't a voice shouting in my head, keeping me awake all night and feeding my paranoid delusions. Fortunately, this voice is mine. Most of the time. The other night there was a strange French fellow in my head telling me that he wanted to do something, but couldn't. The strange part about this was that he was speaking entirely in French, yet I knew exactly what he was saying.

In the brief moments that my head is not filled with the chaotic ramblings of my psyche, I usually hear music. Today, this caused a very strange situation.

This morning when I woke up, I had the song Roxanne by The Police stuck in my head. Now, I'm not a particularly big Police fan, but I like the song well enough. At work I pretty much just listen to podcasts all day on my iPod while letting my hands do the useless, inane, meaningless task that I've been given. On this particular day I was listening to a Podcast that very rarely plays any music, and even when it does, it's usually some classical garbage. Well, can you, the almighty reader, guess what the song they played today was?

Fucking Roxanne.

I believe in signs, despite being an atheist, and this must be one of those signs. Combined with the fact that three movies I watched last week featured the song Metal Health by Quiet Riot (These movies were Footloose, Crank, and The Wrestler) I'm thinking that I am soon to meet a metal head named Roxanne with mental health issues. God I hope she's single. I am the definition of the word Alone.

The Procrastinators Guide To Success

Also, I decided that I need to tell myself to get off my fat lazy arse and do something with my life. I'm so bored of just sitting inside doing nothing all day, every day. Here ae the available options:

1. Keep working at the job I hate, but join the gym and learn to drive.
2. Quit my job and either join the gym or learn to drive.
3. Quit my job and just write non-stop. (High risk of failure)
4. Keep working at the job I hate, but write in my spare time. (Not good for a procrastinator such as myself.)
5. Keep working at the job I hate, learn to drum in my spare time.
6. Keep working at the job I hate, but move out of my parents house into a bedsit.

All options have advantages and disadvantages. Keeping my job means less time to do anything decent, but I can pay my rent and afford all the worthless junk I buy, fun time, and a ticket for Download which, six months away, I am already pumped for. On the other hand, quitting my job means no money to do any of that, but I'll be able to spend my time on something enjoyable and meaningful. Although I'm so lazy I'll probably just sleep till 1, eat some cold pasta, then play Xbox all day. Been there far too much before.

Clearly, I have to sacrifice something. I just don't know what.

Oh, another point: Keeping my job means free gym.

General Queerness

I remembered something today: A "friend" of mine, who I shall keep nameless, but his name begins with P and when I say "friend" I mean "person who would speak to me when nobody else would but he's a dick", once said to me on the subject of my ever-questionable sexuality: "Just because you get hard over naked dudes doesn't mean you're gay or even bi."

What. A. Mong.

No, no, he's absolutely right. I'm completely straight. Idiot.

But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that this is clearly bollocks, but then why did he say it? Well, with hindsight, I'm willing to wager that we weren't talking about myself when he said that! Yes, he is probably into cock too, and is just in denial.

I feel a bit sorry for him: At least I accepted it! The problem I had was realising that this didn't mean I couldn't have the best of both worlds, oddly enough.

Wow, this is the most personal blog entry yet. This scares me. I hope nobody I know reads this.

Feeling Rough, Feeling Raw, In The Prime Of My Life

On a closing note, Jason Liggi told me that I look like Alec Baldwin. Now, my response to this piece of news depends on which Alec Baldwin he means.

Thank You.

Fuck You. (Kidding)

And now, for your visual and audible pleasure, have a video from Youtube:

Not the official video, but listen to the words!

Pokemon Playthrough Part Two : Sir Mewton's Balls

2009-01-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

So after being thrown out of my home and told to force animals to fight, I ended up walking through some grass and finding out why I had to force animals to fight. I was immediately attacked by a bizzare bird creature!

Genuine fear grew in my very soul at the sight of this fearsome creature, but my travelling companion and, I am now proud to say, my lover, Witty Name, fought off the foul beast. It wasn't all happiness in Pokeland, though: Witty Name had taken a few knocks during the epic struggle and had a bit of a dicky tummy. Fortunately, some kind gentleman decided to give me a potion.

Now, despite having a few screws loose, my mother, named MOM, always taught me never to take strange substances from strangers. She muttered something about Rohypnol and how it played some part in my birth, but this was when I asked where my father was. That always riled her up.

Nevertheless, I took the potion but vowed only to take it if absolutely necessary. I didn't want to give it to Witty Name through fear that he/she/it may become pregnant. Fortunately I quickly stumbled across a small town named Viridian City where there was a "PokeCentre," a kind of hospital for Pokemen.

There was a very nice nurse there who patched up Witty Name for me for absolutely no money. Which was nice.

This town was tiny, so I have no idea why it was called Viridian City. It was more of a village if anything. There were two houses at most and very few people, including the drunk old man who wouldn't let me leave town through the north exit.

I could have felt anger, but to be honest I just felt sorry for his poor daughter who had to put up with him and probably clean his arse when he shat on the carpet and apologise to the neightbours when he pissed through their windows.

Unable to leave and unwilling to go south back to my home, I decided to explore a little bit, which is when I found the shop! I don't know what Gerry thinks I am; as soon as I entered the building I was accosted by some chap behind the counter, telling me that the old bastard had told him I'd deliver a package to him.

Cheeky git. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to take the parcel anyway.

Gerry said it was a custom Pokeball, whatever that is. I could make a guess, but I refuse to believe that Gerry is carving away at the testicles of innocent animals. Anyway, Ninja showed up and chatted some shit, and it turned out that Gerry had called him to the lab to get a present. Fucking charming. I play delivery boy while Ninja is out philandering and corrupting the minds of the innocent, and HE gets called in to get a present. I guess Gerry felt bad about this as I got one too, though it turned out to be some book-type thing that recorded data on the Pokemen I caught.

That was the last straw. First I'm playing Postman fucking Pat without being paid, and now the old bastard is sending me out to do research for him. What an absolute bunch of twunts. Ninja decided to taunt me by saying he was going to get a "Town Map" from his sister and would tell her not to give me one. Little did he know that I would be getting a map from her, plus a little more.

Pokeland is a confusing place. The Town Map manages to cover the entire Country. Clearly, Geography is not a strong point of the Japanese.

On my way back to Viridian City, something bizarre appeared.

I think my eyes may have just been blurry and I couldn't see it properly, but a creature appeared before me, which I somehow knew was called a Mew, and attacked! After an epic battle of time and space that last about fiften seconds, I attempted to cage the animal. And succeeded!

When my eyes cleared, I was able to see the cat-like creature more clearly, and decided to name it Sir Mewton because Jason Liggi told me to. Fourth wall got raped there.

I ran around in the grass a bit more and stumbled across a rat with two giant front teeth. I named him appropriately.

It was strangely familiar.

Review: Crank - Does it look like I got cunt written on my head?

2009-01-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

What an absolutely Jesus titty-fucking Christ brilliant movie. This movie is perfection on a screen. There is everything you could possibly want in this movie, from the eye candy provided by both Jason Statham and Amy Smart to the hilarious comedic moments throughout to the brilliant action scenes, all of which seem to be provided by the main man Jason Statham himself.

The movie is non-stop action. I mean, the plot is about a dude who can't stop moving because of a poison in his system that will kill him unless his adrenaline is high, so you know it's gonna be a great movie, but there's so much more to it than that. It's also incredibly funny, from the cutting off of some fat dude's hand to the scene in which Jason Statham and Amy Smart end up fucking in the middle of chinatown, every scene in this movie is genius.

I recommend this to everybody with a soul.

5/5

Go watch it. Now.

Oh, and guess who has a cameo? Chester Fucking Bennington, that's who. Go and watch this shit immediately.

The Lies

2009-01-06T11:06:00.000-08:00

Today - whilst sitting and thinking about dinosaurs - I came to the realisation of one eternal, unquestionable truth:

We have all been lied to!

Creationism? Evolution? All filthy lies designed to keep us under control. Let's start with the obvious...

Dinosaurs

Killed by a meteor? Don't make me laugh. Dinosaurs were far too awesome to be killed by a poxy meteor. Aren't those things falling all the time, anyway? How come we haven't been wiped out yet? Oh, it fell in the sea and fucked shit up or something. Bollocks! The planets covered in the sea and this only happened once, ages ago? What a load of twaddle. I will no enlighten you. I mean, do you really think something so ridiculous could wipe out a planet of dinosaurs?

A meteor is no match for this!

The dinosaurs were wiped out by a nuclear missile fired by aliens, which brings us to our next point.

Humanity

Now, you may want to sit down for this as I am about to blow your tiny, closed mind into a hundred thousand pieces...

We are aliens!

That's right. The truth is that after our original race wiped out all life on this planet other than the cockroaches, they waited several years for the Earth to become habitable once more and then colonised it. Now, I know what you're thinking right now: What about all the little animals and stuff? Well, they obviously captured of the inhabitants of the planet before nuking it. They used their advanced technology to genetically engineer the dinosaurs so that they were the tiny little things we now know as lizards, snakes, crocodiles, and birds. They then used the same techniques to alter their own DNA with that of the monkeys so that some of them could stay on the planet. This was common practice for all their colonies, I assure you.

This is where I think the story of Adam & Eve may have some truth to it.

Adam & Eve

So, what if there was an Adam & Eve, but they weren't exactly as descibed in the bible? What if our original ancestors, the "aliens," created Adam & Eve by mixing their own DNA with that of the apes?

There was an experiment to create the ultimate creature for survival on this planet. Now, the first couple of thousand or so of these experiments were failures and exiled to the Earth's less attractive areas, but Project ADAM and Project EVE were great successes and were given an area of the Earth to rule over by the "aliens" until one day they fucked up and got kicked out by their Supreme Masters and had to shack up with the failed experiments. However, before the "aliens" could continue with the experiments, they had to leave for some reason or another.

However, some of the aliens stayed behind and bred with both each other and, eventually, their experimens. Some of these aliens still exist today, being immortal, and walk among us. Now, I know what you're thinking: Why then, oh wise one, do our true ancestors reveal themselves? Why did they not step forth and try to help us with their gifts? Why not use this power to do good, or just makea shit-ton of money? Well, I submit to you, readers, that they did reveal themselves, and what happened to this most noble of "aliens"?

Jesus

Yes, Jesus was an alien who revealed himself. He was not the son of "Dog" or some nonsense like that, which was just a lie designed by the other "aliens" to hide the truth. Why did they do this? Well, what happened to Jesus upon revealing himself?

YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM! He tried to tell us the truth and you killed him, allowing the "Church" to twist his stories into some bollocks that would hide those truths forever. You are responsible for this. There is proof of this in the bible itself, when his corpse is collected by an spaceship from some cave or something. Poor Jesus.

So, your actions caused a fear in the other "aliens" that made them far too scared to reveal themselves. Now they all sit around coming up with the next lie (Christianity, Scientology, Evolution) for when we get bored of the last one.

Side Notes:

Just after realising these truths, I got a letter from my employers informing me that I'd been signed up for counselling. I don't think the two are related.

I had an idea for a short story today. It's about a monkey who can talk and is a private detective. He has to investigate the theft of one of Jack's beans from the old story about that dude Jack who climbed the giant beanstalk and hung out with a giant for a while.

username:666

2009-01-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

I have evolved

2009-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

For reals, I have evolved to a higher state of human. I am now more than human.

I do not need sleep.

I've been lying here for an hour trying to sleep, but I'm just not tired. And all of a sudden I could hear something in my mind. Something wonderful.

Seriously, I'm being kept awake by Love Shack? This is either proof of my evolution or a message from... uh... Dog or something.

Leave me a voicemail or something next time.

What does it mean? Maybe I'm supposed to find a place called Love Shack or something. But isn't that a brothel? It is clearly my destiny to go to the Love Shack and attempt to save the life of a prostitute only to fail and watch her die, and then her quirky little brother becomes my sidekick and we become two urban cowboys, travelling the lands in search of revenge for the death of Nancy Nine-Teeth. Then we'll find out that her killer is like, my brother or some shit and it will be obvious that Dog, the writer of this epic tale, has jumped the shark.

The worst case since the great "Aunt Vi Swap" of '93

For now I'll just download Love Shack off iTunes and go make a sandwich.

Pokemon Playthrough : Part One

2009-01-01T12:39:00.001-08:00

Aw yeah...

So I turned the game on and got treated to this awesome video of this spiky dude who looks kinda like an overweight Sonic fighting this mutated rat thing. They just kinda bounced around and then jumped at each other. It was freaking epic.

Epic battle

Then the legendary screen appears with my awesome dude stood with some little lizard thing with a burning tail sat next to him. Haven't seen that screen for a while. Lizard dude must be burning up. Anyway, I hit the menus and stuff and get into the game, and some old laboratory geek is stood there telling me about these Pokemon things and how I'm supposed to catch them in tiny balls and make them fight.

Someone call the RSPCA! I've got to cage up these little innocent animal things and force them to fight? I'm pretty sure that's illegal in every country, but clearly not in Pokeland. Anyway, this doctor who's called Professor Oak prattles on like all old people do for a while, I'm gonna call him Gerry from now on. Short for geriatrics. Then when he finally shuts up I get to see myself. Now, I look pimp. I got a hat that's so low, it's covering one of my eyes. I'm freaking awesome.

That's me, and hell yeah my name is Pirate, though now I'm thinking I should have gone with something like "Awesome Hat" but that wouldn't have fit. I was only allowed like 8 characters which sucked. Ayways, Gerry keeps talking about some stuff and then he shows me a picture of his grandson, which is kind of weird, though he looks pimp too.

Gerry's so old he forgot his own grandson's name. I feel kinda sorry for him, but look at that hair. That more than makes up for it. Then I get turned into some freakish midget version of myself and get plopped into a nice bedroom. With a SNES!

A freaking SNES!

I'm kind of disappointed that I got turned into a midget. I don't have anything against midgets, it's just that now I can't see the awesomeness of the hat. So I go downstairs and this woman's there who I'm guessing is my mum, who is named MOM - all caps - and she says something about all boys having to leave home at some point.

Ok, that's kind of weird. I only look about twelve and you're kicking me out? That's a bit harsh, sending me out into the world of midgets and animal cruelty at the tender age of TWELVE. The hat will protect me.

But anyway, my mum tells me to go next door and see Gerry, but he's not there. There's just some girl sat there. The house next door isn't even Gerry's place; it's Ninja's. So, I'm thinking maybe I should forgive mum for kicking me out because she's cleary a bit dim. In fact, I now feel a bit guilty for leaving her alone without a carer or anything.

I leave Gerry's place and go walk in some grass, then he stops me and says something about Pokemon and how I should get one to help me fight other animals. I don't really understand because I'm fairly sure I could get rid of wild animals myself with a kick or something, I don't need another animal to fight for me. But anyway, Gerry takes me back to his place to show me some animals. Kinda reminds me of the time some creepy old guy asked me if I wanted to get in his car to see some puppies. Education in Pokeland is lacking.

Ninja's there and he's whining about something, then I get to choose an animal to cage and force to fight. Naturally, I choose the lizard with the burning tail because he's kind of awesome. Here he is.

Awesome.

I couldn't think of a witty name, so I just called him Witty Name.

Then Ninja chose his, and attacked me! Pokeland is so hostile. But it didn't matter, because Witty Name scratched up the little turtle thing that Ninja was using and I won.

Fighting like girls, really.

So I won, gloated a bit, and then left. I went home to see MOM and she forced me to go to bed! I didn't even have a choice. It's not dark out, either. Then I walked toward that patch of grass again, and set forth on my epic journey!

Leaving home at last

And then I forgot to save the game and had to go through all that shit again.

Review: Doritos Dash of Destruction

2008-12-20T09:23:00.000-08:00

Tyrannosaurus Rex.

10/10

Durnk post

2008-12-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

Fuck me i actullt apest drunk acoorectingly well here are a thing few things like am i a rwfei fbeihg pioigdteer i dunno acter mabe msjometimeneggggger i want fime fsoof and wjat tje food is going on in psrison break and if the last awntwncw made sence then i mhad my actual eues closed duiring that shitmy boiiis i hope i dont hae to work over chrismatrs coz o that ht

i hope that stuff i stichk up my nose was legal dudes oh well if not oh wll who is to fucing jufge you htipposcurtoes

Review: The Last Remnant

2008-12-17T12:36:00.000-08:00

The Last Remnant

Square Enix seem to have this problem of making any good game outside of the Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest franchises, and even they sometimes don't hit the mark; Final Fantasy XII being the obvious, and worst, offender. The reason for this is unclear, though it sometimes seems to be that they veer too far away from the traditional RPG formula. Sometimes this works with the biggest example being Kingdom Hearts, but all too often this fails miserably, such as Unlimited SaGa, Drakengard, and the critically-panned-but-I-quite-liked-it Dirge of Cerberus. In the Last Remnant, however, it sticks to the more traditional RPG formula but tries taking it in different directions, perhaps to improve it. In some ways, they have succeeded. In others? Not so much.

(Not So) Pretty Pictures

Graphically, the game ranges from incredible to unremarkable, though it most often sits comfortably between the two extremes at “fair.” During cut scenes, the graphics are amazing and are comparable to graphically praised games such as Gears of War 2 and, to a lesser extent, Mass Effect. This is helped largely by the very anime-like style that removes any need to try and cross that uncanny valley, and also lowers expectations anyway. During actual gameplay, however, the graphics don't really stand out as anything other than “a bit meh,” unfortunately.

The animation on the characters is usually terrible, other than during the all-too-rare more heavily scripted cut scenes. Characters stand completely still while talking and have an odd, quite creepy lifeless look to them, as though they were simply unfeeling androids. This is particularly bad for an RPG where plot and storytelling are paramount to all else.

Another major problem that becomes impossible to overlook is the amount of texture pop-in that occurs. It almost seems like every time there is a loading screen, it's followed by a bunch of blurry stick figures stood around who suddenly and inexplicably become massively detailed right before your eyes. Given the regularity and length of the loading screens, this is really inexcusable. This seems to happen on a number of Unreal Engine games, as it's quite noticeable in Gears of War 2, so it can't really be blamed on the developer.

The character designs, however, are great. The races and the enemy monsters in the world of The Last Remnant are really well designed, managing to seem both completely alien yet believable at the same time. They are also unlike anything that's been seen for a long time: fish-people and four armed cat-men are all too rare in videogames.

Be Quiet

The voice acting in the game isn't too bad; though most of the people who play JRPGs and watch anime all day will doubtlessly be able to find something wrong with the English dub. Rush rarely comes across as annoying, and most of the other characters are acted really well. The only complaints I have are that David's accent seems to shift from aristocracy to the Artful Dodger, and that there are often gaps in the conversation that can seem quite unnatural and distracting.

The music during the exploration part of the game doesn't quite seem to fit, though I can't quite put my finger on why. It seems like it would be far better suited to something like Star Ocean, or another sci-fi RPG. I could also see it fitting something like Tales of Symphonia though, so perhaps it just doesn't fit the high fantasy setting of The Last Remnant.

While the battle music is good, it doesn't quite sit right, either. It's very fast paced which, while suited to the action on screen, doesn't really suit the flow of the battle system, which can be quite long and boring. Which acts as a nice seg-way into...

Pushin' Dem Buttons, Yo

The battles that you'll take part in are deceptively simple, though they are quite epic in size. They lack any real complexity though; instead relying on sheer numbers and the new union system to fake it. Basically you create unions of up to five characters, each with different equipment, weapons, and skills, but all you're really doing is tweaking pieces of equipment and applying them to one character. Though it can often be quite fun to come up with strategies based on these unions, it's not really anything new: they just want you to think it is.

There's really nothing different in the actual battles, either. It's the same old system of choosing to attack, use a skill, or heal up. Standard RPG practice here, and not a whole lot to talk about if you've ever played an RPG before.

Gone is the age-old tradition of levelling up, too. Instead you'll have to focus on equipment and skills and the combinations of these to get anywhere in the world. This makes for a welcome and interesting change of pace, but it sometimes feels like you can't really monitor your progress. The characters also gain increases in their stats by using them, which is a nice reminder of some of the earlier RPGs and Final Fantasy games.

One of the biggest problems with the game and the pace at which it flows is the constant and annoying slowdown in battle. It seems like if there's any more than five characters on screen at once, the game slows down to barely more than a crawl. Since there is more often than not at least eight or nine characters on screen, this happens far too often and really interrupts the flow of the game and leads to a lot of frustration. It is particularly annoying when, during battle when a character attacks, you'll be prompted to press a button for a bonus. As if this wasn't annoying enough, the slowdown often makes it impossible to predict when to press the button, leading to countless annoying instances of pushing it too early and missing out on the bonus due to sloppy game design.

There are also side quests to do, though these are often boring fetch quests or thinly disguised boring fetch quests which, given the boring battle system, feel like such a chore to get through. Also, some of the quests just transport you to the area upon accepting the quest, which can be annoying if you just want to get it now, go buy some equipment, then deal with it later.

Another problem I had with the game is that some parts of it really aren't explained well at all, such as the command “Replace Unit” doing a lot more than that, being used to add units to a union too, though this is never mentioned. These moments can be incredibly frustrating.

The Plot Thickens...

The storyline has been done a thousand times before: a young man, Rush, is seperated from his sister when she is kidnapped by dark and nefarious individuals, leading him on a quest to find her that will introduce him to many strange and quirky individuals and will be blown massively out of proportion until he's at the centre of some political garbage between a bunch of nations and their stereotypical leaders. There's some stuff about large, mystical objects called remnants that have a ton of power but need to be controlled. That's probably a metaphor or something.

The characters however are quite interesting, particularly David who quickly forms a bond with Rush, though his motives are questionable. There's something for everyone here: there's the political backdrop for those who like that, and then there's the more character-based storytelling.

The setting is also something that's been done over and over again. It's another high fantasy Lord of the Rings wannabe, albeit with talking frogs, fishes and cats rather than elves and dwarves, so it's a little more interesting in that regard.

The End Of The Road

Overall, The Last Remnant doesn't do enough different things to stand out from the rest and is held back by a heap of technical problems. Everything it does has been done before, better. Everything about the game is dull and lifeless, bar the character design. I quickly lost interest in this game, and have no interest in anything else this universe has to offer.

4/10

Heroes Mid-Season Finale - Dual

2008-12-17T10:41:00.001-08:00

It was an odd one. I found it all a bit.. anticlimactic, to be honest. That, and the episode seemed to be purely based on an effort to kill off some of the lesser cast. It was a shame to see Knox get killed off - it felt like there was more of that character to explore that now we'll never see. I was expecting to see a Flint-Meredith reunion at some point down the line, also, and now that will never happen.

Also, what was the most short-lived and unplausible alliances ever: Peter, Knox, and Flint? Seemed like a bizzare decision for Peter to make, teaming up with a pair of criminals who once tried to kill him under his own father's orders.

Why am I watching this show again?

It's a shame Peter got his powers back. I thought it was going to be interesting to see him living without them, hopefully for good but I would have settled for a little longer. They didn't really go into too much detail though, so perhaps he only has flight now? Or maybe he only got his base power of empathic mimicry back and lost all the powers he had gained? We only saw him fly, and Nathan was stood opposite him. Hopefully this is the case, then there'll be no more time travel wankery to fuck up the show again since Hiro's lost it.

I also find it hilarious that the writer conveniently forget that everybody else who got injected with the formula either had some kind of seizure or completely passed out, but not our Pete!

I like Ando's power. It also didn't seem to be fatal, so I guess Ando really didn't kill Hiro in the future, just giving his abilities a boost. This is bad, though; means Hiro's getting his time travel wankery back.

Daphne and Matt have really started to bore me. Nathan is a surprisingly believable villain, although that "You broke my heart, Pete" bollocks he was spouting seemed a bit off. Tracy Strauss is yawn too.

Sylar is the greatest fucking villain to ever grace our television screens. Last week he was back on form, and this week just shows he's an absolute fucking psycho, and I love it. You know that explosion didn't kill him.

Yes, that is Peter Petrelli topless and sweaty.

When I Was...

2008-12-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

When I was younger - I guess it was between the time you can wipe your own arse and before everything starts sucking - I actually had a garden. None of this slabs-of-concrete-bollocks or a little puddle of stones tossed half-arsedly around pretentious statues. No, we had real grass that shone a vibrant green come spring and turned a murky shade of yellow in the autumn. To be honest, I might complain about it but I never used the garden. I was too busy trying to beat Megaman 2 on my hand-me-down (not that I'm ungrateful, mind) NES.

One day we decided to take one of those little spades you get in seaside towns and start to dig, hunting treasure. This mut have been around the time a portion of the garden was sacrificed in favour of a "conservatory" that never served any purpose until it was turned into a kitchen. We dug all day and found nothing of interest; just crappy stones that we buried again. As the day crept toward it's end, however, we made a discovery!

I can't remember who found it - it could have been either of my sisters, my father, or myself - but being the selfish little gobshite that I was, I quickly assumed possession of the one and only piece of treasure I've ever seen.

It was small, square block of brown brick that easily fit into the palm of my hand. On one side of the brick, though, was a material similar to that of, say, a bathroom or kitchen tile. This white tile was covered in small black cracks, though it never showed any sign of falling apart. There was also an odd design on the tile of some strange circular blue and orange shape.

My mind immediately began to race with ideas of what my newfound relic was:

Images of a ruined temple that sat where my house now stood came to me, filled with dangerous traps, rivers of lava, and lizard men armed with long iron spears that guarded whatever secrets the temple held.

I saw visions of an old mansion where the white-tiled floor was walked on every day by a balding butler, attending to the demands of his grumpy but monetarily-generous employer who simply sat in bed beneath a red velvet blanket, waiting to die.

The familiar grey, large-headed shape of an alien stepped back into his ship with a sigh, ready to go home and deliver the news that he had failed to find any sentient life on the third rock from the sun. As the vessel launched itself into the air, part of it crumbled and fell off to be buried in the earth and dug up by myself, thousands of years later.

I got to thinking about this today, and I realised something sad. If I found that little, insignificant tile today, aged 21...

I'd probably chuck it.

Image by Todd Powelson

Revival

2008-12-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

This blog is being revived! But only because I want to compete with Liggi's Blog.

I doubt I'll have anything to contribute but OH WELL.

Assassin's Creed Review

2007-12-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

Assassin’s Creed

Spoiler Warning : This review will include minor spoilers that are within the first ten minutes of the game.

Assassin’s Creed has been one of the most hyped games of the year along with Halo 3, The Orange Box, Mass Effect and the like, thanks to the game’s producer Jade Raymond and Ubisoft’s relentless effort to get her in front of the camera every ten minutes. Like so many games though, Assassin’s Creed could easily have become a victim of its own hype, or a game that lived up to it. What the final product does however, is a combination of the two.

Pieces of Eden

The year is 2012 and bartender Desmond Miles wakes up in a mysterious research facility having been kidnapped earlier. The company, Abstergo Science, are trying to use Desmond’s genetic memory for some purpose unknown to him. To do this, they have developed a machine called the Animus which allows him to take control of his Assassin ancestor Altair and view his memories. The story that develops from this has an almost cyberpunk feel to it, having obviously been influenced by films like The Matrix. While the story that takes place inside Desmond’s memory via the Animus is full of every cliché under the sun, the story that takes place in Abstergo between Desmond and the two scientists, Vidic and Lucy, still manages to retain some originality and is genuinely interesting thanks to the ambiguous morality of what they are doing. This could have been a good thing, but since the game doesn’t actually have an ending, it just feels like a bunch of broken promises.

Altair’s storyline is vastly different from Desmond’s, taking place in 1191 during the crusades. Your mission as Altair is to track down nine men profiting from their peoples suffering and assassinate them in order to regain your position within the assassin’s clan. While this initially starts out well and has some good twists, it eventually descends into the realm of overused clichés. The major plot points are delivered via conversations with the assassination targets in which the world of 1191 is abandoned for a setting that looks more like they are inside a computer, surrounded by data, and these conversations are later revisited and discussed by Altair and his master, which works at the beginning but quickly becomes repetitive and tedious. Why a muslim living in the east has an American accent is also anyone’s guess.

Uninitiated

The time spent in control of Desmond is not all that interesting, gameplay-wise. All you really do is walk from the bedroom to the Animus, with the occasionally conversation with Lucy and Vidic or reading the odd e-mail or two. The majority of the time is spent as Altair anyway, so it’s not that big a deal.

When in control of Altair, actions are split between low and high profiles. Low profile moves are actions that won’t bring any attention to the assassin, such as blending with scholars, gently pushing through a crowd, or just a normal paced walk. High profile moves are just the opposite – actions that will attract attention and should only be used when absolutely necessary. These include attacking enemies, tackling your way through a crowd, climbing up buildings and running.

Blending is a key part of the game as it will give you complete anonymity from guards. If you find a group of scholars you can use their similar appearance to disguise yourself as one of them, or if you find a bench you can hide as just another face in the crowd. This can be one of the most exciting parts of the game as trying to find a place to hide while on the run adds a high level of tension and requires a little brain powers. Performing a stealth assassination is also a lot of fun as you have to sneak up on the guards carefully and stab them from behind, one wrong move being all it takes to go from hunter to prey.

The controls also feel really natural, particularly climbing the buildings and making your way from one to the other. Rather than making some over complicated way of doing this, it’s all been kept very simple and it really works quite well. All you have to do is switch to high profile, hold the free step or jump button and move in whichever way you wish to climb or jump. This is easily one of the highlights of the game as jumping from building to building and finding ways to climb the highest ones, some of which are huge, never gets old.

Early on in the game Altair loses all of his abilities which is both annoying as a player and almost completely unnecessary, apparently Altair’s decrease in rank also causes him temporary amnesia of how to counter an attack. Over the course of the game however, you’ll regain them all and it doesn’t really feel like it’s making a difference which just causes it all to feel like a waste of time.

There are many side quests to take part in too. In each city there are a number of flags to collect, tall buildings that serve as a “view point”, a place to uncover more of the map, and citizens to rescue from guards who have decided to flaunt their authority. All of these initially start out fun but get boring as you continue to do them. The best is probably climbing to find view points as any time spent on top of the buildings is generally a lot of fun. The worst is the repetitive rescue missions, though they have the added benefit of unlocking groups of scholars to blend with and groups of vigilantes who will fight any guards that are chasing you. Both become useful after having carried out an assassination when the guards are at their most threatening.

The crowds are also a fun element to the game. If you decide to jump from a building and land in a group of people, you’re immediately going to be noticed by anyone who is close enough to hear you or see you, usually prompting a loud gasp from the crowd. This immediately makes escaping from the guards more troublesome as a single slip up is enough to get noticed and hunted down. The enemy AI is a bit mixed though, since some times they really seem to be thinking and other times they barely notice you. For example, if you begin to climb a building they will begin to search for other ways to get to you by throwing rocks at you or finding another path up the building, but if you use the gentle push move on them a lot they won’t even turn to look at you despite the suspicious behaviour.

Combat is yet another example of a gameplay element that goes from being good fun to repetitive and tedious. There’s only one attack button that kind of limits your offensive abilities, though if you get in to a fight on top of a building you can also grab your opponent and send them to the streets below. When you get used to the combat it really starts to shine as pulling off a perfect counter and delivering a sword to a guard’s stomach or slicing into their neck never gets old, and delivering an after touch by hitting the attack button when your swords collide is much the same. The only problem with this is that after a while it all becomes a little too easy as you start to get the timing right. Enemy AI in combat is also quite mixed. If you pull off a particularly gruesome counter and spray blood everywhere, they will occasionally react by turning away in horror giving you an opportunity to strike, and they’ll also run away when they realise they’re fighting a losing battle. On the negative side though, the guards usually stand around waiting for you to attack and given that Altair will mostly be doing the same thing in order to pull off a counter, there’s lot of standing around and waiting which gets old really fast. The camera also gets stuck and obscures your view of the fight far too easily.

When travelling between cities for the first time you enter the Kingdom which is a large area filled with the occasional tiny village or viewpoint. This is easily the most boring part of the game, though fortunately you’re only required to do it four times. The problem with it is that you’re forced to use the blend ability on your horse to avoid detection, as any movement of higher speeds will attract the guards, which just makes it dreadfully slow and boring. Eventually it just becomes far easier to switch to high profile and ride over the guards, though this defeats the purpose of stealth that the rest of the game works hard to create.

One of the most bizarre and infuriating parts of the game comes a fair bit later on when Altair has to kill someone at the docks. Apparently despite assassins needing to learn how to climb impossibly tall buildings and jump in to piles of hay, nobody ever thought that it might be a good idea to learn how to swim as any contact with water results in game over. This especially annoying when you have to jump from one submerged pole to the other but despite aiming the jump perfectly, you’ll somehow wind up jumping left or right and drowning.

Eagle Eyes

Visually the game is stunning, easily on par with anything else released in recent months. The menus are suitably futuristic and the occasional glitches that Desmond gets from the Animus while in control of Altair suit the futuristic feeling perfectly. When the visuals of the game really shine though is while you’re in control of Altair in the cities.

When you reach Damascus for the first time and you’re stood atop the hill and looking out over the city, it’s difficult to not be impressed at the distance you can see and how detailed it is. The lighting is also great and really makes it feel more like a real world. The character models are also fine for the most part, though it’s hard to see the resemblance between Lucy Stillman and Kristen Bell.

The visuals aren’t without flaw though, as none of the cities really feel unique as they begin to look like all that’s changed from city to city is the colour palette, everything else is still so square and box-like, stripping the cities of any individuality. There’s also the occasional screen tearing though it is a rarity, and the framerate really starts to suffer from the large crowds, though the size of crowds it can handle before this kicks in is quite impressive.

Silent Like An Assassin

The audio is an odd one. It’s not really good, but it’s not bad either. It’s just there. Most of the background music is fine and really does suit the mood of the cities, such as the “Arabian Nights” and Aladdin feel of the Damascus music, but it doesn’t really stand out in any remarkable way. The combat and escape music is much the same, though it does add some suspense to the game though it doesn’t do as good a job as the other aspects.

The sounds of the crowd are good too, as are the wind sounds that you’ll hear on top of the tallest buildings which is a really good effect when you’re so high up that the bustle and hustle of the crowd below is unnoticeable.

One of the biggest problems with the audio however is the voice acting, particularly Altair’s voice actor who delivers his lines with the charisma and enthusiasm of Arnold Schwarzenegger. The best VA is probably Vidic’s, who really gets across the madness of the character and the situation. Most of the conversations throughout the game also suffer from one character speaking before the other is finished, something that really ruins any immersion.

13.0.0.0

All in all, Assassin’s Creed is a good game that’s only real fault is not living up to the hype that Ubisoft have built up around the game. Despite it’s repetitiveness, it never really gets boring by some miracle and there’s plenty of reason to visit Altair in 1191 after reaching his story’s conclusion. Hopefully the sequels can expand on the combat and actually provide an ending to the game.

7/10

Crysis Not Selling Too Well

2007-12-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly, it's been reported that Crysis isn't selling too well. If this gets them to put it on console, it's definitely good news.

But they won't.

XBox Live Movie Marketplace Online

2007-12-11T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today marks the day that Microsofts XBox Live Movie Marketplace goes online in the territory that matters; the United Kingdom! Movies include the Matrix Trilogy, Risky Business, Looney Tunes Back In Action, and... not much else really. Personally, I'll be downloading Zodiac in HD for sunday night since Top Gear isn't on! Though I don't quite understand why that and 300 are priced higher than the rest.

Guitar Hero III Review

2007-12-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Guitar Hero 3

When I first heard that Neversoft had taken over the reins of the Guitar Hero franchise from Harmonix for the third instalment, I have to admit to being a little worried for the future of everybody’s favourite rhythm-action game. I am not only glad, but ecstatic to find that these worries were not only unnecessary, but completely ridiculous in light of the final product.

Punk Rock Tried To Kill The Metal

The first thing you’ll see upon starting up the game is obviously the menu. These menus are so easy to navigate with the guitar controller that it doesn’t even require any getting used to. This is thanks largely to everything being listed in one long column rather than rows, apart from the bonus and downloaded songs which are navigated via the colour buttons, which is just as easy.

Visually, the game isn’t exactly a huge technical achievement in comparison with games such as Mass Effect, Assassin’s Creed or Halo 3, but it’s not going to make your eyes feel like they’ve been dipped in vinegar either. The character themselves are an odd looking bunch who have been given a more realistic look compared with the wacky Loony Tunes-like look of the previous game, but they still look more cartoon-like than your Gordon Freemans and Master Chiefs, which is nothing but a good thing and suits the game as a whole. You’re also unlikely to become confused with the characters as they all have a very individual look, from the Punk chick Judy Nails to the Glam Rock Izzy Sparks, the KISS lookalike Lars Umlaut to the Japanese rocker Midori. Also joining the cast are real life Guitar Heroes Slash of Guns N Roses and more currently Velvet Revolver, and Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. Both not only have some of their more famous songs in here, but have also composed entirely new tracks for their boss battles.

The arenas that your Guitar Heroes and Heroines perform in can also be described in much the same way as the characters themselves: nobody is going to call it the most impressive looking game, but it serves its purpose and is certainly not an eyesore. Also similar to the characters is the fact that, at the risk of repeating myself, they all have their own individual look and feel. There are all kinds of venues to play in, including the small crowd of the backyard, the Johnny Cash reminiscent prison, and that massive arena of the Kaiju Megadome.

New Wave Tried To Kill The Metal

In terms of gameplay, not a whole lot has changed as Neversoft have obviously decided to stick with Harmonix’s winning formula. You hold the colour buttons and hit the strum bar to play a note, use the whammy bar to increase the number of points and star power from the longer notes, and tilt the guitar to activate the star power. Thankfully they haven’t tried to change too much.

It’s certainly not entirely flawless though, as the alterations to the way star power is displayed to you can often become distracting. Rather than just telling you when you can use your accumulated star power by turning blue, there are now three more levels of star power which extend the amount of them it is activated for. What this means is that rather than merely glancing at the star power meter, you now have to count how many light bulbs you have active and weigh up the pros and cons of using it now or waiting until you’ve gained just one more bulb of the stuff. This can become slightly infuriating when you’re trying to five star Through The Fire And Flames on Expert and this sloppy design decision costs you 3 or 4% from your score.

The new guitar controller also takes some getting used to as it is a lot heavier than the previous model and has the annoying bump which just so happens to be where your arm rests on it, though this doesn’t take long to get used to. The boss battles that I previously mentioned can also seem a bit pointless as they seem to largely be decided by luck, which you’ll find usually favours you.

For all it’s faults though, it also has some strong positive things going for it. The learning curve has been hugely improved over the previous game, the jump from medium to hard no longer feeling like you’re driving into a wall at 70 miles per hour and hoping it doesn’t hurt. I tried to see how it was for a newcomer for this review and so had a novice come over for some co-op action. It took him about half an hour before he started getting five stars on easy, whereas the previous game took far, far longer.

The only other negative point to the game is that the career mode only takes about three hours on the difficulty you’re most comfortable with. Admittedly though, there’s plenty of extra content in the higher difficulty modes, the unlockable bonus songs, the downloadable content (of which I highly recommend the Foo Fighters pack) and trying to climb up the leaderboard, making this point a little moot.

There is also the new online mode, allowing you to play co-op, face off, or battles over Xbox Live. Even the online battles seem a little pointless though, but the face off and particularly the co-op will prove hours of fun with both friends and those weird American people who seem to inhabit the Xbox Live servers.

Grunge Tried To Kill The Metal

Moving on to the most important thing of any music oriented game, the music. The soundtrack is, as expected, pretty much perfect for a game of the genre. Lots of guitar solos and catchy songs that are hard not to enjoy. Obviously a track list can be found on wikipedia so I won’t list them all here, but personal highlights include Black Sabbath’s Paranoid, Muse’s Knights of Cydonia, Slipknot’s Before I Forget, Guns N Roses’ Welcome To The Jungle, and Slayer’s Raining Blood. The only problem I can find with the soundtrack is that the emphasis was clearly on the older songs from the 70’s and 80’s, which just made it feel a little bit out of touch and left me wondering what the hell all these granddad rock songs were.

The other audio is a bit of a mixed bunch, like a picnic basket with both sausage rolls and pears. The music in the backgrounds of the menu are all just the songs that you’ll be playing in the game at a lower volume, so it suits the game and anything else would just be a bit weird. The main audio problem is that when you make a mistake in a song, you’re met with the most irritating and distracting clang noise you’re likely to have ever heard. This is one of the few games where these kinds of distractions are both inexcusable and largely detrimental to the game.

Techno Tried To Kill The Metal

This game is a difficult one to review. On the one hand, I absolutely love it. On the other, there are several flaws that I can’t just ignore. It’s incredibly close to gaining a perfect ten, but just misses it by a hair or two.

9/10

Some Old JRPG Game Coming To Europe

2007-12-03T04:56:00.001-08:00

Me and JRPGs have been singing "We Used To Be Friends" to each other since the dreadful Final Fantasy XII. Despite this, part of me longs to pick up another game of the same quality of the wonderful XBox 360 JRPG, Blue Dragon.

Odin Sphere, then, is some old JRPG on the PS2 that Square Enx are now just deciding to bring to Europe. They didn't make it, but they'll bring it here anyway and sell it like a lanky drug dealer in a torn and stained Nike hoodie. Personally, I think I'll just go get Persona 3 when it comes out provided it's PS3 compatible.

Viva la Jeff! Gamespot Boycott

2007-12-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Just got this off the Gamespot forums:

I urge all of you who support the video game journalism integrity to join us on December 3rd. On that day, we will log out of Gamespot and do not visit the site for 24 hours.
For everyone who ask "what is boycotting one day gonna do?" Here is my answer. In the short run, it does nothing. But this is an attempt to get people organized. I don't expect anyone here can just walk away from Gamespot for months. We also need to check back here to see how everyone did and exchange ideas. So this is really an excercise of will. It is a demonstration.
Just like people holding signs outside of government building. The protest don't change anything right away, but the protest sends a message out and when more people hear about us, they might gather together. If we simply sit here and do nothing, no one will hear us and nothing will change.
CNET is a rich company and we cannot expect to have things changed tomorrow. We should think of this as a long term battle, and we need actions that not only has impact, but also can persist. The one day boycott is only the start. We need to show CNET that we, as a community, has the power to band together and stand for what we believe!

So, show your support for journalism integrity and all that and boycott Gamespot, at least for one day.
Personally, I think one day is too short.

Humpsters

2007-12-02T08:56:00.000-08:00

Just found this over at the2bears.com blog. Humpsters is a cool little game in which you put together a freakish creature called a "Humpster", and make it fight other Humpsters. Pretty basic concept but the games a little fun, even if it does feel like it's over before it began. Should provide some fun to any bored office workers out there.

Hit the image for the link.

Mass Effect Review

2007-11-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

Mass Effect

Every so often, a game will come along that can only be described as “ambitious” in its scope. Mass Effect is one of these games. But where The Elder Scrolls and Fable’s ambition lies in their attempts to create a living, breathing world usually confined to a single country, Mass Effect takes that idea and multiplies it infinitely in its own attempt to create a living, breathing galaxy. The question is, does it get it right? Most of the time.

The game begins where most other games fitting the RPG genre begin: creating your character. You are free to mould your character into anything you like, as long as it’s human. You begin by choosing your gender and first name, while the second name is set to Shepard. The face creation tool is one of the best in recent times, giving you a truly human looking character rather than Oblivion’s deformed creatures. It’s only a matter of time before Chuck Norris appears on YouTube kicking Geth “ass” unfortunately. You also get to choose which class your character will be from a gun wielding soldier, a mind bending biotic, a techie, or a combined effort of two. Your choice of character background will also give a boost to your Paragon or Renegade stat, the games own take on the good/dark stat from the genre.

When you’ve finished making your Jeremy Clarkson or Angelina Jolie look-a-like, you finally get to start playing the thing. The first hour or so of the game is admittedly one you may find yourself forcing yourself through as it is mainly just a tutorial, but the storyline quickly picks up the pace and drags you teeth-first into Bioware’s sci-fi universe. The story revolves around you, Commander Shepard, and your hunt for the evil Spectre Saren, who you have reason to believe is getting up to things that may have the unfortunate side effect of the apocalypse. Yes, it’s another quest to save the world.

Overall, the storyline is a great one, bordering on brilliant. The world that Bioware have created in Mass Effect is so incredibly detailed in every aspect from the history to the characters, my personal favourite being Joker, that it’s genuinely hard not to get wrapped up in the whole thing. With that in mind though, the way your squad mates are developed in this game can often make them seem underdeveloped compared with their previous sci-fi epic and spiritual predecessor, Knights of the Old Republic. Gone are the moments of Carth Onassi stopping you for a chat in the streets, replaced by the new method of Shepard running over to his/her squad in between missions for a chat. This can sometimes feel like more of an effort than it should, and having such a small amount of interaction with your squad outside of the ship can often make them seem a bit lifeless. Saren also gets to be a bit of a cliché toward the end of the game, and the plot, while well written and acted out through dialogue, starts to become quite reminiscent of the later chapters a certain Keanu Reeves movie.

The gameplay itself is also quite mixed, though with a little compromise and tinkering it is for the most part an entertaining game. It seems a little strange that the default option for biotic and tech abilities is to use passive abilities only, meaning that you’ll have to bring up the ability screen to order your quad to use them, which often breaks up the otherwise brilliant gameplay. Why this setting is in the options rather than being set through the squad screen is also a bizarre one, as it removes the ability to set, for example, your tech character to passive and your biotic to offensive or vice versa. It doesn’t take long to change this option though, so it is only a minor flaw. Bioware have also done a great job creating the RPG-FPS combo that they have evidently worked hard to perfect, bar the odd sniper rifle.

The driving segments of the game are, however, massively flawed, particularly if you’ve played Halo 3 in the last couple of months. The biggest fault in the driving is the handling of the car itself, since pushing the analogue stick back turns the whole car around rather than simply reversing, which often gets annoying if all you want to do is reverse slightly to squeeze yourself into a canyon. Bioware also make the mistake of forcing you to drive and shoot at the same time, something that was removed from Halo long ago for just not being any fun, and it’s because of this that you’ll likely find yourself ignoring the large Geth that you’re obviously supposed to be shooting. The exploration parts of the driving are admittedly fun and hugely satisfying, which just makes the rest of it such a large shame.

The other large part of the game is actually conversing with other characters, from your squad mates to seemingly random humans and aliens in the citadel and the other planets. Bioware have developed a new method of doing this by presenting you with a segmented circle with various dialogue options allocated to each segment. This is mainly used to further the main plot and gain Assignments, missions that contribute nothing to the main storyline. It’s also there to develop the characters, and usually does a great job of doing so. Toward the end of the game you’ll also have to make some decisions in conversation that really affect the characters you’ve come to know and love, as well as the entire universe. There are at least two of these choices that you genuinely hate to make, and will need five minutes or so to think through them. Most of all though, these choices actually feel important, as though are forging the storyline rather than have it spat out to you in series of cut scenes.

Visually, the game is a stunner. It’s quite possibly the most impressive and artistic looking game to date, though it is not without fault. The biggest complaint is that you don’t seem to be able to move the camera at all without being assault by a huge amount of screen tearing, which really starts to detract from the overall enjoyment of the game. When that’s combined with the dreadful way that the textures seem to just pop in to the screen, it begins to get annoying. It’s impossible to admire how detailed everything is though, making the game universe really feel like a genuinely real place. It’s also the first time I have personally felt that use of the grain effect was well done rather than over done.

The four or so main planets also feel like they are truly unique, developed separately from the others, especially Feros. The less important worlds however all begin to feel the same, since most of them use the exact same building structures, removing any unique identity that these worlds have.

The audio is one of the very few things that can be described as perfect, bar the dreadful mix that often makes it hard to her the dialogue through the music. Other than that minor issue though, it is spot on in every regard. The soundtrack itself is incredibly reminiscent of old sci-fi movies, especially the song that plays during the end credits. The background music also adds just the right kind of ambience to the game without being too overbearing. It’s unfortunate that the Xbox 360’s fan is so loud that it is sometimes hard to enjoy it.

Despite the issues that Mass Effect has, the game really is a joy to play. It really does have the feeling that you are playing through a great sci-fi novel rather than just another Adventure Of The Bald Space Marine. Hopefully the rest of the trilogy will offer more of the same while also cleaning up some of the more flawed parts of the game.

8/10

Tempted by Two Worlds? Me Neither

2007-11-30T04:50:00.000-08:00

Despite the original game being barely playable and just generally shit, Two World is getting an expansion pack called "Temptation" which, presumably, is an in-joke, since anyone tempted by it deserves a lobotomy to study the brains of people we must remove from the gene-pool.

"Two Worlds moves on"!
"The Temptation", the add-on for the smash RP already in the pipeline

Karlsruhe, 28. November 2007 - Head for a new horizon! With the add-on, "Two Worlds - The Temptation", the "Two Worlds" universe continues to grow, introducing new game content, extended gameplay and providing you with the answers to many questions and mysteries which arose in the main story!

The developers are focusing on a blend of the proven and the new: besides several well-known regions of Antaloor, there are also completely new territories to explore. The combat system has been further enhanced too - now you can use active blocking, for example. Many other additional developments have been added - developments which have enabled a completely new means of transport and a much enhanced reaction from NPCs - but more on these and a whole host of other surprises shortly! The release of "Two Worlds - The Temptation" for PC and consoles is planned for the first half of 2008. You can get an idea of what to expect at www.2-worlds.com/temptation.

Source: Kotaku

Welcome to my Brog

2007-11-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

Yes. I have made a new blog- er, brog. This will be a place for my thoughts and ramblings on various topics. Let's get this started.

I CAN'T FUCKING GET THE PRETENDER OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
Thank you Foo Fighters for driving me crazy all day by inserting this song into my head. I haven't given the album a proper listening yet, only at work where I couldn't hear it very well because of all the fat people breathing so loudly and creating earthquakes with every step. More on that some other time though.

THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA
...is awesome. Really, really awesome. Watch it now. Don't think about watching it later, watch it RIGHT NOW. Worship Nagato Yuki or Yuki Nagato or whatever. I have two episodes left of this anime, er... animu, which I will have to watch tomorrow. Goodies.

Until next time,
Brush those teeth.