Pokemon Playthrough Part Two : Sir Mewton's Balls

So after being thrown out of my home and told to force animals to fight, I ended up walking through some grass and finding out why I had to force animals to fight. I was immediately attacked by a bizzare bird creature!

Genuine fear grew in my very soul at the sight of this fearsome creature, but my travelling companion and, I am now proud to say, my lover, Witty Name, fought off the foul beast. It wasn't all happiness in Pokeland, though: Witty Name had taken a few knocks during the epic struggle and had a bit of a dicky tummy. Fortunately, some kind gentleman decided to give me a potion.

Now, despite having a few screws loose, my mother, named MOM, always taught me never to take strange substances from strangers. She muttered something about Rohypnol and how it played some part in my birth, but this was when I asked where my father was. That always riled her up.

Nevertheless, I took the potion but vowed only to take it if absolutely necessary. I didn't want to give it to Witty Name through fear that he/she/it may become pregnant. Fortunately I quickly stumbled across a small town named Viridian City where there was a "PokeCentre," a kind of hospital for Pokemen.

There was a very nice nurse there who patched up Witty Name for me for absolutely no money. Which was nice.

This town was tiny, so I have no idea why it was called Viridian City. It was more of a village if anything. There were two houses at most and very few people, including the drunk old man who wouldn't let me leave town through the north exit.

I could have felt anger, but to be honest I just felt sorry for his poor daughter who had to put up with him and probably clean his arse when he shat on the carpet and apologise to the neightbours when he pissed through their windows.

Unable to leave and unwilling to go south back to my home, I decided to explore a little bit, which is when I found the shop! I don't know what Gerry thinks I am; as soon as I entered the building I was accosted by some chap behind the counter, telling me that the old bastard had told him I'd deliver a package to him.

Cheeky git. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to take the parcel anyway.

Gerry said it was a custom Pokeball, whatever that is. I could make a guess, but I refuse to believe that Gerry is carving away at the testicles of innocent animals. Anyway, Ninja showed up and chatted some shit, and it turned out that Gerry had called him to the lab to get a present. Fucking charming. I play delivery boy while Ninja is out philandering and corrupting the minds of the innocent, and HE gets called in to get a present. I guess Gerry felt bad about this as I got one too, though it turned out to be some book-type thing that recorded data on the Pokemen I caught.

That was the last straw. First I'm playing Postman fucking Pat without being paid, and now the old bastard is sending me out to do research for him. What an absolute bunch of twunts. Ninja decided to taunt me by saying he was going to get a "Town Map" from his sister and would tell her not to give me one. Little did he know that I would be getting a map from her, plus a little more.


Pokeland is a confusing place. The Town Map manages to cover the entire Country. Clearly, Geography is not a strong point of the Japanese.

On my way back to Viridian City, something bizarre appeared.

I think my eyes may have just been blurry and I couldn't see it properly, but a creature appeared before me, which I somehow knew was called a Mew, and attacked! After an epic battle of time and space that last about fiften seconds, I attempted to cage the animal. And succeeded!

When my eyes cleared, I was able to see the cat-like creature more clearly, and decided to name it Sir Mewton because Jason Liggi told me to. Fourth wall got raped there.

I ran around in the grass a bit more and stumbled across a rat with two giant front teeth. I named him appropriately.

It was strangely familiar.