Aw yeah...
So I turned the game on and got treated to this awesome video of this spiky dude who looks kinda like an overweight Sonic fighting this mutated rat thing. They just kinda bounced around and then jumped at each other. It was freaking epic.
Epic battle
Then the legendary screen appears with my awesome dude stood with some little lizard thing with a burning tail sat next to him. Haven't seen that screen for a while. Lizard dude must be burning up. Anyway, I hit the menus and stuff and get into the game, and some old laboratory geek is stood there telling me about these Pokemon things and how I'm supposed to catch them in tiny balls and make them fight.
Someone call the RSPCA! I've got to cage up these little innocent animal things and force them to fight? I'm pretty sure that's illegal in every country, but clearly not in Pokeland. Anyway, this doctor who's called Professor Oak prattles on like all old people do for a while, I'm gonna call him Gerry from now on. Short for geriatrics. Then when he finally shuts up I get to see myself. Now, I look pimp. I got a hat that's so low, it's covering one of my eyes. I'm freaking awesome.
That's me, and hell yeah my name is Pirate, though now I'm thinking I should have gone with something like "Awesome Hat" but that wouldn't have fit. I was only allowed like 8 characters which sucked. Ayways, Gerry keeps talking about some stuff and then he shows me a picture of his grandson, which is kind of weird, though he looks pimp too.
Gerry's so old he forgot his own grandson's name. I feel kinda sorry for him, but look at that hair. That more than makes up for it. Then I get turned into some freakish midget version of myself and get plopped into a nice bedroom. With a SNES!
A freaking SNES!
I'm kind of disappointed that I got turned into a midget. I don't have anything against midgets, it's just that now I can't see the awesomeness of the hat. So I go downstairs and this woman's there who I'm guessing is my mum, who is named MOM - all caps - and she says something about all boys having to leave home at some point.
Ok, that's kind of weird. I only look about twelve and you're kicking me out? That's a bit harsh, sending me out into the world of midgets and animal cruelty at the tender age of TWELVE. The hat will protect me.
But anyway, my mum tells me to go next door and see Gerry, but he's not there. There's just some girl sat there. The house next door isn't even Gerry's place; it's Ninja's. So, I'm thinking maybe I should forgive mum for kicking me out because she's cleary a bit dim. In fact, I now feel a bit guilty for leaving her alone without a carer or anything.
I leave Gerry's place and go walk in some grass, then he stops me and says something about Pokemon and how I should get one to help me fight other animals. I don't really understand because I'm fairly sure I could get rid of wild animals myself with a kick or something, I don't need another animal to fight for me. But anyway, Gerry takes me back to his place to show me some animals. Kinda reminds me of the time some creepy old guy asked me if I wanted to get in his car to see some puppies. Education in Pokeland is lacking.
Ninja's there and he's whining about something, then I get to choose an animal to cage and force to fight. Naturally, I choose the lizard with the burning tail because he's kind of awesome. Here he is.
Awesome.
Then Ninja chose his, and attacked me! Pokeland is so hostile. But it didn't matter, because Witty Name scratched up the little turtle thing that Ninja was using and I won.
Fighting like girls, really.
So I won, gloated a bit, and then left. I went home to see MOM and she forced me to go to bed! I didn't even have a choice. It's not dark out, either. Then I walked toward that patch of grass again, and set forth on my epic journey!
Leaving home at last
And then I forgot to save the game and had to go through all that shit again.
So I turned the game on and got treated to this awesome video of this spiky dude who looks kinda like an overweight Sonic fighting this mutated rat thing. They just kinda bounced around and then jumped at each other. It was freaking epic.
Epic battle
Then the legendary screen appears with my awesome dude stood with some little lizard thing with a burning tail sat next to him. Haven't seen that screen for a while. Lizard dude must be burning up. Anyway, I hit the menus and stuff and get into the game, and some old laboratory geek is stood there telling me about these Pokemon things and how I'm supposed to catch them in tiny balls and make them fight.
Someone call the RSPCA! I've got to cage up these little innocent animal things and force them to fight? I'm pretty sure that's illegal in every country, but clearly not in Pokeland. Anyway, this doctor who's called Professor Oak prattles on like all old people do for a while, I'm gonna call him Gerry from now on. Short for geriatrics. Then when he finally shuts up I get to see myself. Now, I look pimp. I got a hat that's so low, it's covering one of my eyes. I'm freaking awesome.
That's me, and hell yeah my name is Pirate, though now I'm thinking I should have gone with something like "Awesome Hat" but that wouldn't have fit. I was only allowed like 8 characters which sucked. Ayways, Gerry keeps talking about some stuff and then he shows me a picture of his grandson, which is kind of weird, though he looks pimp too.
Gerry's so old he forgot his own grandson's name. I feel kinda sorry for him, but look at that hair. That more than makes up for it. Then I get turned into some freakish midget version of myself and get plopped into a nice bedroom. With a SNES!
A freaking SNES!I'm kind of disappointed that I got turned into a midget. I don't have anything against midgets, it's just that now I can't see the awesomeness of the hat. So I go downstairs and this woman's there who I'm guessing is my mum, who is named MOM - all caps - and she says something about all boys having to leave home at some point.
Ok, that's kind of weird. I only look about twelve and you're kicking me out? That's a bit harsh, sending me out into the world of midgets and animal cruelty at the tender age of TWELVE. The hat will protect me.
But anyway, my mum tells me to go next door and see Gerry, but he's not there. There's just some girl sat there. The house next door isn't even Gerry's place; it's Ninja's. So, I'm thinking maybe I should forgive mum for kicking me out because she's cleary a bit dim. In fact, I now feel a bit guilty for leaving her alone without a carer or anything.
I leave Gerry's place and go walk in some grass, then he stops me and says something about Pokemon and how I should get one to help me fight other animals. I don't really understand because I'm fairly sure I could get rid of wild animals myself with a kick or something, I don't need another animal to fight for me. But anyway, Gerry takes me back to his place to show me some animals. Kinda reminds me of the time some creepy old guy asked me if I wanted to get in his car to see some puppies. Education in Pokeland is lacking.
Ninja's there and he's whining about something, then I get to choose an animal to cage and force to fight. Naturally, I choose the lizard with the burning tail because he's kind of awesome. Here he is.
Awesome.I couldn't think of a witty name, so I just called him Witty Name.
Then Ninja chose his, and attacked me! Pokeland is so hostile. But it didn't matter, because Witty Name scratched up the little turtle thing that Ninja was using and I won.
Fighting like girls, really.So I won, gloated a bit, and then left. I went home to see MOM and she forced me to go to bed! I didn't even have a choice. It's not dark out, either. Then I walked toward that patch of grass again, and set forth on my epic journey!
Leaving home at last
And then I forgot to save the game and had to go through all that shit again.
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