Review: Doritos Dash of Destruction

Tyrannosaurus Rex.

10/10

Durnk post

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Review: The Last Remnant

The Last Remnant

Square Enix seem to have this problem of making any good game outside of the Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest franchises, and even they sometimes don't hit the mark; Final Fantasy XII being the obvious, and worst, offender. The reason for this is unclear, though it sometimes seems to be that they veer too far away from the traditional RPG formula. Sometimes this works with the biggest example being Kingdom Hearts, but all too often this fails miserably, such as Unlimited SaGa, Drakengard, and the critically-panned-but-I-quite-liked-it Dirge of Cerberus. In the Last Remnant, however, it sticks to the more traditional RPG formula but tries taking it in different directions, perhaps to improve it. In some ways, they have succeeded. In others? Not so much.

(Not So) Pretty Pictures

Graphically, the game ranges from incredible to unremarkable, though it most often sits comfortably between the two extremes at “fair.” During cut scenes, the graphics are amazing and are comparable to graphically praised games such as Gears of War 2 and, to a lesser extent, Mass Effect. This is helped largely by the very anime-like style that removes any need to try and cross that uncanny valley, and also lowers expectations anyway. During actual gameplay, however, the graphics don't really stand out as anything other than “a bit meh,” unfortunately.

The animation on the characters is usually terrible, other than during the all-too-rare more heavily scripted cut scenes. Characters stand completely still while talking and have an odd, quite creepy lifeless look to them, as though they were simply unfeeling androids. This is particularly bad for an RPG where plot and storytelling are paramount to all else.

Another major problem that becomes impossible to overlook is the amount of texture pop-in that occurs. It almost seems like every time there is a loading screen, it's followed by a bunch of blurry stick figures stood around who suddenly and inexplicably become massively detailed right before your eyes. Given the regularity and length of the loading screens, this is really inexcusable. This seems to happen on a number of Unreal Engine games, as it's quite noticeable in Gears of War 2, so it can't really be blamed on the developer.

The character designs, however, are great. The races and the enemy monsters in the world of The Last Remnant are really well designed, managing to seem both completely alien yet believable at the same time. They are also unlike anything that's been seen for a long time: fish-people and four armed cat-men are all too rare in videogames.

Be Quiet

The voice acting in the game isn't too bad; though most of the people who play JRPGs and watch anime all day will doubtlessly be able to find something wrong with the English dub. Rush rarely comes across as annoying, and most of the other characters are acted really well. The only complaints I have are that David's accent seems to shift from aristocracy to the Artful Dodger, and that there are often gaps in the conversation that can seem quite unnatural and distracting.

The music during the exploration part of the game doesn't quite seem to fit, though I can't quite put my finger on why. It seems like it would be far better suited to something like Star Ocean, or another sci-fi RPG. I could also see it fitting something like Tales of Symphonia though, so perhaps it just doesn't fit the high fantasy setting of The Last Remnant.

While the battle music is good, it doesn't quite sit right, either. It's very fast paced which, while suited to the action on screen, doesn't really suit the flow of the battle system, which can be quite long and boring. Which acts as a nice seg-way into...

Pushin' Dem Buttons, Yo

The battles that you'll take part in are deceptively simple, though they are quite epic in size. They lack any real complexity though; instead relying on sheer numbers and the new union system to fake it. Basically you create unions of up to five characters, each with different equipment, weapons, and skills, but all you're really doing is tweaking pieces of equipment and applying them to one character. Though it can often be quite fun to come up with strategies based on these unions, it's not really anything new: they just want you to think it is.

There's really nothing different in the actual battles, either. It's the same old system of choosing to attack, use a skill, or heal up. Standard RPG practice here, and not a whole lot to talk about if you've ever played an RPG before.

Gone is the age-old tradition of levelling up, too. Instead you'll have to focus on equipment and skills and the combinations of these to get anywhere in the world. This makes for a welcome and interesting change of pace, but it sometimes feels like you can't really monitor your progress. The characters also gain increases in their stats by using them, which is a nice reminder of some of the earlier RPGs and Final Fantasy games.

One of the biggest problems with the game and the pace at which it flows is the constant and annoying slowdown in battle. It seems like if there's any more than five characters on screen at once, the game slows down to barely more than a crawl. Since there is more often than not at least eight or nine characters on screen, this happens far too often and really interrupts the flow of the game and leads to a lot of frustration. It is particularly annoying when, during battle when a character attacks, you'll be prompted to press a button for a bonus. As if this wasn't annoying enough, the slowdown often makes it impossible to predict when to press the button, leading to countless annoying instances of pushing it too early and missing out on the bonus due to sloppy game design.

There are also side quests to do, though these are often boring fetch quests or thinly disguised boring fetch quests which, given the boring battle system, feel like such a chore to get through. Also, some of the quests just transport you to the area upon accepting the quest, which can be annoying if you just want to get it now, go buy some equipment, then deal with it later.

Another problem I had with the game is that some parts of it really aren't explained well at all, such as the command “Replace Unit” doing a lot more than that, being used to add units to a union too, though this is never mentioned. These moments can be incredibly frustrating.

The Plot Thickens...

The storyline has been done a thousand times before: a young man, Rush, is seperated from his sister when she is kidnapped by dark and nefarious individuals, leading him on a quest to find her that will introduce him to many strange and quirky individuals and will be blown massively out of proportion until he's at the centre of some political garbage between a bunch of nations and their stereotypical leaders. There's some stuff about large, mystical objects called remnants that have a ton of power but need to be controlled. That's probably a metaphor or something.

The characters however are quite interesting, particularly David who quickly forms a bond with Rush, though his motives are questionable. There's something for everyone here: there's the political backdrop for those who like that, and then there's the more character-based storytelling.

The setting is also something that's been done over and over again. It's another high fantasy Lord of the Rings wannabe, albeit with talking frogs, fishes and cats rather than elves and dwarves, so it's a little more interesting in that regard.

The End Of The Road

Overall, The Last Remnant doesn't do enough different things to stand out from the rest and is held back by a heap of technical problems. Everything it does has been done before, better. Everything about the game is dull and lifeless, bar the character design. I quickly lost interest in this game, and have no interest in anything else this universe has to offer.

4/10

Heroes Mid-Season Finale - Dual

It was an odd one. I found it all a bit.. anticlimactic, to be honest. That, and the episode seemed to be purely based on an effort to kill off some of the lesser cast. It was a shame to see Knox get killed off - it felt like there was more of that character to explore that now we'll never see. I was expecting to see a Flint-Meredith reunion at some point down the line, also, and now that will never happen.

Also, what was the most short-lived and unplausible alliances ever: Peter, Knox, and Flint? Seemed like a bizzare decision for Peter to make, teaming up with a pair of criminals who once tried to kill him under his own father's orders.

Why am I watching this show again?

It's a shame Peter got his powers back. I thought it was going to be interesting to see him living without them, hopefully for good but I would have settled for a little longer. They didn't really go into too much detail though, so perhaps he only has flight now? Or maybe he only got his base power of empathic mimicry back and lost all the powers he had gained? We only saw him fly, and Nathan was stood opposite him. Hopefully this is the case, then there'll be no more time travel wankery to fuck up the show again since Hiro's lost it.

I also find it hilarious that the writer conveniently forget that everybody else who got injected with the formula either had some kind of seizure or completely passed out, but not our Pete!

I like Ando's power. It also didn't seem to be fatal, so I guess Ando really didn't kill Hiro in the future, just giving his abilities a boost. This is bad, though; means Hiro's getting his time travel wankery back.

Daphne and Matt have really started to bore me. Nathan is a surprisingly believable villain, although that "You broke my heart, Pete" bollocks he was spouting seemed a bit off. Tracy Strauss is yawn too.

Sylar is the greatest fucking villain to ever grace our television screens. Last week he was back on form, and this week just shows he's an absolute fucking psycho, and I love it. You know that explosion didn't kill him.

Yes, that is Peter Petrelli topless and sweaty.

When I Was...

When I was younger - I guess it was between the time you can wipe your own arse and before everything starts sucking - I actually had a garden. None of this slabs-of-concrete-bollocks or a little puddle of stones tossed half-arsedly around pretentious statues. No, we had real grass that shone a vibrant green come spring and turned a murky shade of yellow in the autumn. To be honest, I might complain about it but I never used the garden. I was too busy trying to beat Megaman 2 on my hand-me-down (not that I'm ungrateful, mind) NES.

One day we decided to take one of those little spades you get in seaside towns and start to dig, hunting treasure. This mut have been around the time a portion of the garden was sacrificed in favour of a "conservatory" that never served any purpose until it was turned into a kitchen. We dug all day and found nothing of interest; just crappy stones that we buried again. As the day crept toward it's end, however, we made a discovery!

I can't remember who found it - it could have been either of my sisters, my father, or myself - but being the selfish little gobshite that I was, I quickly assumed possession of the one and only piece of treasure I've ever seen.

It was small, square block of brown brick that easily fit into the palm of my hand. On one side of the brick, though, was a material similar to that of, say, a bathroom or kitchen tile. This white tile was covered in small black cracks, though it never showed any sign of falling apart. There was also an odd design on the tile of some strange circular blue and orange shape.

My mind immediately began to race with ideas of what my newfound relic was:

Images of a ruined temple that sat where my house now stood came to me, filled with dangerous traps, rivers of lava, and lizard men armed with long iron spears that guarded whatever secrets the temple held.

I saw visions of an old mansion where the white-tiled floor was walked on every day by a balding butler, attending to the demands of his grumpy but monetarily-generous employer who simply sat in bed beneath a red velvet blanket, waiting to die.

The familiar grey, large-headed shape of an alien stepped back into his ship with a sigh, ready to go home and deliver the news that he had failed to find any sentient life on the third rock from the sun. As the vessel launched itself into the air, part of it crumbled and fell off to be buried in the earth and dug up by myself, thousands of years later.

I got to thinking about this today, and I realised something sad. If I found that little, insignificant tile today, aged 21...

I'd probably chuck it.


Image by Todd Powelson

Revival

This blog is being revived! But only because I want to compete with Liggi's Blog.

I doubt I'll have anything to contribute but OH WELL.